Long Time

It has been really long time that I have posted something around here.  I will try to keep it updated. It is kind of a self note √

Dark Chocolate

Well,

After much consideration, I am switching to an environment friendly darker theme. Somewhere I read that it takes less power for a computer to display the darker pages. So I am doing my part. Planning to use Blackle @ http://www.blackle.com as a replacement for Google too to save some more power though it is based on Google itself. As of now they predicted a 2,373,138.409 Watt hours of power save!!!

What about you?

Intzaar Kabtak…?

It is a good day!

I was not feeling not so well. That doesn’t mean I am feeling well. It is that I am feeling well, but not well. Uncertainty!

I took a leave, un-applied, yesterday thinking I will catch up some well needed rest for my back. It is a hectic two-hour drive you know!

So I told them I am not feeling well, I will not be coming for the drive today. It’s okay!

My obedient team mates took it well. My manager hasn’t!

He called me up and asked me for my presence in his presence. I will be present.

I slept.

I woke up, not so fresh.

******************

******************

I am ready, so fresh!

I was waiting at the bus stop, where the bus never stops (it’s a fallacy for pun, my policy for fun). I saw her.

My heart stops beating, still I am living.

It was so powerful, I felt very weak.

My trembling legs can’t control my shaking body.

The feeling is enormous yet empty.

I was almost going to say, “hi”, but the bus got there already.

She got into the bus. I got into a trance.

I was standing right next to her, the flow of her B.E.A.utiful hair lulling me into an inception.

The perfume mixed with the working AC sans the beedi smells giving a new reason to my breathing.

I was in coma, trauma, and drama and became a lama!

Ayyo Rama!!

This is going nowhere. I have to do something about it is all I thought. The bus stopped.

Really time flies when your heart stops. When your heart races, time stops.

Then she turned to me, almost half smiling, I thought I am going to win her, for whatever price in the world.

But I couldn’t speak, as she got away with one of her friend talking in the angelic voice and feel of hers.

She started lol-ing. And ROFL-ing. And the dog started licking my face. I woke up from the dream.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

This is just a dream and a real inception. I cursed myself, the dog, my friends, dogs, friends, everybody. But still nothing is changed. My friends snoring has matched Sharapova’s crying. Game, Set, Match!

Got to go. Still pain hasn’t eased from the past day’s back ache, and last night’s dream ache.

I got ready. Started to office. My friend is snoring. Championship points!!!

The aches continue.

I got to eat the breakfast to stop getting more heavy, had it, bought a news paper full of inceptions and crimes and games.

The aches continue.

I am waiting at the bus stop.

The aches STOPPED. I saw Her… so does the bus and stops.

Why do dreams have to come true?

the touch of her hair revoking the pains

the grace of the touch evoking pains…

the distance can be narrowed,

the pain can’t be swallowed…

it is what they call love,

for me it is an alcove…

– Adi

The I-Day

Happy Independence Day, my fellow Indians.

I am not sure, if I am sounding all that too patriotic on this day[counting off, I haven’t taken my bath(yet) and haven’t saluted the national flag, yet].

When I was young, like real young, when I am around 12 years of age, every I-day was celebrated in my school, followed by the one in the prestigious library in my small town, though it was for the free chocolates and the laddus that were distributed on that day to the children and the pupil. “Well, another well spent I-day”; I used to think after my hunger for sweets was quenched. And the well spent-ness of these days depends on the number of flag hoistings that I used to attend, not as the chief guest, but after the chief guests left.

But then, for those sweets, to stand in the scroching sun (sometimes couple of children fainting, really!) was a bit of patriotism for me, then. I used to stand in there, thinking about the greatness of the country I was living (though I haven’t gotten any knowledge other than that in the history books of my academics by that time), and looking at the tri-color, designed by my distant relative from our village, the great Pingali Venkayya. This was all when I was still 12 knowing nothing of what freedom can bring to you, over the years.

Now, this is really true, and his next generations live in the small house built for them by the Govt. of India (!) and this as well is true.

Coming back from these truths, I used to feel very proud to be standing under that flag and in the sun, fresh, free (from classes) for the sweets. Once the sweet distribution stampede, the Ussain Bolt’s used to come out of us till we reach the next flag and stand in silence.

This I-day as well, I am not following any of the other things that I used to do except one, standing under the flag and being Silent.

I am no more proud of the achievements of my distant relatives, but am proud of the achievements of my team mates who complete the tasks of the Whites in time, everytime. I am quite opposite to my distant relatives; actually I am an antagonist. They kicked them, the Whites, out of the country and they were happy. I am doing their work and I am happy. Quite contrast. Welcome to new age India.

The Prime Minister has urged the nation to be vigilant, proactive and on war footing against the problems of the nation. Yes, the dogs have to be vigilant when the masters sleep. There you go, the PM has a point. The moment he has asked for peace from the Naxals, they be-headed a police. Well, still, you are living in a free India. I see the free in this freedom, when you buy in the imported shopping malls in the year-end sales. “Buy 1 get 11 free!”. May be that’s the reason Gandhiji said kick’em out, the foreign clothes. They say, “well, he never wore anything of quality, does he?”, this free generation need clothes of high quality, though their lives have nothing of it. Thanks M.K.G for the freedom!

The other day, TOI has published a column bringing out the differences between India (also Bharath) in 1947 and India (a.k.a. Youngistan) in 2010. I was really happy to see that child mortality rate has come down from 145.6 to 53 per 1000 births(isn’t it supposed to come down to zero?! Well, who cares when you have 1.2 Billion) but what about the adult morality?

And exactly when we are celebrating the I-Day we have the esteem of hosting the Common Wealth Games. Well, it is better not to talk about when we are thinking about where our national pride is! If you remember, from the past 10 or so years, this is the first I-day without any terror threat(really!!!). Even they knew that they don’t need to waste their arsenal to destruct the country, we are capable enough to do so ourselves, pretty easily, while there is increase in population. Though the last part wasn’t in the terrorist’s agenda.

I know there are countries where there is only corruption and tonnes and tonnes more than us, I still feel pity, why should we be comfortable with that fact and not with the fact that with out corruption we can be the super power than others. This is one way we show our patriotism. Though we have mistakes, we are proud. And there is one more way of being patriotic, scolding Pakistan with the loudest words and mouth. Thanks Bollywood.

I really don’t feel proud on being free on this Independence Day. I am still dependent on the Auto Driver to take me to office safe with a fake meter while knowing it. I still am dependent on the every Govt employee so that my rights are preserved at a very high cost. Why should I be so proud?

Till the people(should I say cowards, dumb-asses?) change and ask for their original rights this country has no future except getting laid down by the corrupt poli****. Yeah, you can say, why can’t I come and clean up the mud being patriotic. Well, I haven’t planned my death yet, and I don’t have a policy big enough to hold my family after my death. See, this is the problem with everybody in India, even you, even the rickshaw puller on the streets of kolkatta, the richest ass in the sofas of the Parliament. Is the money I have enough after my demise? As long as this issue isn’t solved… nothing is going to solve… IMHO !

Though these days it is patriotic being non-patriotic, I am not in that league… I am just worried about the state of the nation and its people… and I am silent!!!

JAI HIND!!!

5, 6, 7, 8 – Steps

The journey of a thousands miles starts with the single step…

This line I think has inspired so many souls across the world to do impossible things. I too did understand this in my latest Tirumala Trip. Everything almost went wrong in this unplanned trip. The much awaited step climbing to see the Lord himself, could have been one among the few that failed to fall in the line of planning. But luckily it didn’t.

We (myself, my brother and sister-in-law and their noisy little angel of a daughter) reached Tirupati to be welcomed by the group of friends in Tirupati to start our ascent to Tirumala through the steps. There was much debate on whether or not should I be taking the steps (thanks to my build) and I was adamant in taking the route much traveled these days (thanks to the free darshan and dorms for the foot path pilgrim). With that we have reached Alipiri to start the ascent of the steps to  Seven Hills.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5 — just 3564 steps remaining. Already 5 steps done, just 700 more such 5 sets… easy!” was my first thoughts. From there the count started to increase. 10, 15, 25, 50… oh already 50… Who said “I Am Fat”, I will prove them wrong, “I Am Fit”.

50-75….

Its getting a bit tiresome… god, why didn’t I sleep properly in the bus? See now, I am getting tired already. Lets take a break now. With me down for the break (down), the bandwagon has also stopped for the break (unnecessary for them, though). After a small water dose, we restarted our ascent.

550 steps and I am already in the meeting with the Lord. Breathing getting tougher by the minute and the legs yielding away to the weight of my body. Already we have crossed the break 9 literally taking a break after every 50 steps after the first one. And for almost every break, the band wagon thanking me. Water bottles drying up, cool drinks have stopped giving the effect. Still 3000 steps to go!

774th step. Break 15 and I am on my knees. I can’t take a single more step. I am out of my breath. Gulping water like a camel, as if I will store them for future use (!). I lost control of myself. And my eyes started rotating like a Roulette wheel with the exception I know where it stops (Last time when I didn’t know where it stops, I lost 100$). Everybody is worried and my brother started hinting me to give it a break and go down on the 700+ steps and take the bus route to the Peak. It is time to decide to go back or continue the ascent. But I know one thing for sure, I can’t continue. So I resigned and declared the innings then and there itself with the final statement. “You guys continue, I will go down slowly (ofcourse after taking some 20 more breaks and 10 liters of water) and come by the bus, I can do that”. The guys were seriously disappointed and gave me some nice words and continued their journey.

I sat there all alone gathering all my energy to start my descent. I have come this far (don’t laugh), I can’t go any further. May be Sri Mahalakshmi would come and give me the sacred Laddu and I might continue my ascent again. But I am no Annamayya and I doubt even Sri Mahalakshmi could get a laddu, if she doesn’t know what is black market. And that proved to be a fact. No Lakshmi has come my way, and I have to start my descent. I was thinking consuming the small amount of water left in the water bottle, about what to do while I await the ascending group.

Then I heard the sound. Very feebly at first. Getting louder second by second.

Cling, cling… Cling… Cling…

Almost like the blessed sound of the bangles of Sri Mahalakshmi and I started to feel hungry already. But it wasn’t any Lakshmi but a crippled man. With no legs to support, he is carrying two clutches to support himself and is ascending the steps almost at the normal pace. And for the first time, I started believing in Quotes. All the inspirational quotes rushed to me and filled my lungs with fresh air and my brain with fresh thinking. Oblivious to this, that hero continued his climb. I was still looking at him, when he almost disappeared into the crowd that is slowly taking the steps.

And then there are these girls offering prayers and branding each step with Turmeric and Sapphire. In normal situations, I would have enjoyed their beauty. But the pain they took made me think again on my descent decision. I thought finally, “After all, I will give it a shot. I might not complete the total steps in 4 hours or 3 hours or even record times, but I will complete these steps anyways”.

I started again. While crossing my hero I almost whispered a thanks to him(for which damn sure, he might have had no clue) and continued my climb. I stopped no where till to the amaze of my band wagon on step 1029. They were at first shocked and then felt happy for my company back with them. And then we have taken another hour to complete the first three hills.

We had a little break for breakfast there for 30 mins. From then It was almost a plain walk through out the next 3 hills and after the last hill and after almost 5 hours, I was the first to reach the temple.

From there the real problem started. With the hectic marriage season crowd and the heavy temperatures (thanks to the zero rain fall) we could find no room, no good facility for the darshan. Though we managed to squeeze through to the darshan barely on the next morning, we had a very very very good darshan and were immensely happy. We have completed our 3 day tour after meeting the great lord shiva and his family @ Kanipakam and returned back to Bangalore, with a pleasant heart and strained body and mind.

Back @ Bangalore, I slowly started understanding the pains of the over weight. Only because I was still young by my age, I had the possible strength to continue on the steps and complete it. 4 years back I was able to complete the same in 3 hours. Now after the addition of 20+ kgs, it almost made me stop my journey. So I thought of taking some serious measures towards this. [Of course while writing this, I am still planning!]

Govinda…. Goooovinda…

***For starters, the first three hills of the ascent are the toughest part the remaining is nothing (when compared to the first three hills, but require considerable energy. But don’t get awe stuck how people carry gas cylinders and huge luggage on their heads through out the 7 hills, after all, everybody wants to see The God” 🙂

Why Me?

[……again,]

Its that time of the year when I look forward for the new relationship. While going for a walk or playing a computer game or working in office or chatting or  even when just simply having a break at home.

I simply look forward to them, becuase,

1. There is no better thing for me to do
2. Nothing really
3. The relationships eventually happen
4. and most importantly, I try hard to gain them.

Year by year the count increased with a mutual collabaration and understanding of all these relations. How I manage, don’t ask me, it really is a good… great job- well done.

They grew as my feelings for them grew over the years. From the lower grades to the upper grades to the offices to the parks, every where I try and throw my jadoo and get atleast a consolation. They frown at me first. And then that flickering smile that enlightens me and then the stream of smiles we have together share later, steals the cup home. Dine-Inn’s – Take Away’s – Cafe’s – Subway’s, everywhere we will be. Victorious!

And then this time of the year apporaches and the shows start. They slowly start revealing the dreaded secrets. Now, these revelations changed from year to year, gal to gal. But I was consistent both in my tries and my luck. God!

One started saying about her lost love and the other about a building relationship. One about the family problems and the other about the betryal of their cousin’s – friend’s – brother’s – friend’s love. Pity me! No one bothered about me or my feelings. All the happiness erased in just a month or so and I wait for the D-day to come to findout the real truth. And the day comes and goes with the unique relevation for me – They aren’t for me!

I never understand why and how they saw the other person in me which I never wanted to show off.  I never was one, I never will be and most of all I never want to be – atlest to them! Ofcourse, I understand them, I support them, they can bank on me; but I never expected this to turnout like this to me, though I am charming. Why it happens to me[me, me, …..]?

Every I time I get “band”ed and swear to save them, protect them – and don’t expect the love back. And then every mail/message/chat starts with the line, Dear Bhai.

I started accepting all kinds of Rakhis now. I can start a Raksha Bandhan Special Store in my room. I have everything that a guy needs to be banded, from Rakhis’ to the cute greeting cards to the sindhoor to what not, everything. And this time all my relations  I accumulated over the years are celebrating the dreaded festival at my place. Talk about the festive offers.

Wonderful!

But Why Me???

Whatever, as the time is ripe again and Rakhi is over, I can again look forward…

The Silence of a Soul

Was ever a grown up stuck in awe at the vibrant colors in the Rainbow?

Rarely, when that grown up is still fresh at his heart, like a child who finds the magic of the god portrayed in the sky, every rainy day.

I too found it. But it was just too late.

Bhhhooommmmm…

My body started floating in thin air and my mind drifting towards nothingness.

“Shame on you!” – the boldness of the voice still haunting me.

“Love you, papa!!!” – the dulcet tone of my sweet daughter, posing a question, than seeming an answer.

Thud. My body hit the rocky floor with a bang and I fell unconscious at the same time. Black dust continued filling my lounges. Peace. Eternal silence surrounded me. Nothing more to fear, no questions to answer. Or is it?

The letter I typed a while ago still hung to my pocket, answering no question, except my escape route.

All my life has been a success story, mostly. A gold medal,  six digit salaried job, a beautiful wife and a gorgeous daughter. I could have asked for nothing more.

But then, there has always been a small space in my heart that still is unoccupied. I felt it there right from childhood. When I was the child prodigy, I suppressed that gap with the boasting of my parents about my smartness. When I was young with the numerous medals I won at various science shows and Olympiads. And in the job with appraisals and promotions. Yet, that space refused to give up.

There were no one who stood between me and the gold medal in the university. Nobody could compete with me, let alone letting them feel equal to me. But then there was something I never won. And that is the inevitable space in my heart. I had no friends to share my feelings. I spoke with myself and the self spoke with me fluently. From an escape route it became a hobby and finally obsession. I wasn’t able to live with out talking to me about me at least once an hour.

The distant rumbling of some fast approaching vehicles stumbled me out of my slumber, just for a second. Again I was cuddling the darkness, fast.

Then I got a wonderfully paid job. I never obeyed anyone at my job.  There is nothing I couldn’t address. No problem I could not solve. Accolades, appraisals, pat on backs and what not. There is no horizon in the office that I could not conquer. Money never was my goal. To me the world is myself and a goal is that which satisfied my ego. I am the King!

My body was carried on to the stretcher and then to the waiting ambulance. The moment the door of the 108 was shut, it sped away towards the hospital.

I am still awaiting my appointment with the almighty.

[To be continued…]

Birthday Bleating

It is like E=mc², you know…

I mean which you know by your heart and swear to god on it, with out quite understanding (for those people with I.Q. level equal to me and my dear friends) how it really helps you in life when you come short of 100 Rs or for those of you whom I envy 100$ or 100£, when you want to buy the most unneeded thing, like something really not needed… I can’t find a good enuf example!

I used to think, hmmm… I grew up, now am matured enough to take matters in my own hands. From now on I dictate my own terms and I rule my world, atleast as of now.

I went to my father and said, “Hey Dad, howz you. Fine, now that its my birthday what do you think of my measly pocket money, huh?”. He is immature enough to understand me or my needs. So he smiled at it and continued to read through the daily news paper.

Very soon old man, very soon, I thought and furiously left the room to join my mom in the kitchen. She is very busy doing the household. She is the most unambitious woman I ever met. She is unable to complete the same task from years, precisely from the day she entered this house. Oh! The home needs a change.

And I started asking my mom the same question on the hike, due to the increased cost of living these days. Go and checkout(not online), even the prices of diappers are hyped!

She told me, that she can do nothing in this matter, the best she can do is to cook the thing I like the most, for that day. Hell…

And there is no one to help in this home except Me!

And I sat watching the T.V, with no better thing to do on my own birthday. I was seriously thinking on how to frisk big money today to go out and throw myself a treat. I have to celebrate my birthday, yeah that too in a big way. Because from now on I am going to plan how I am going to live, I am going to do whatever I want to do, I am goin…..

Whack… I was shocked, genuilnely!

Another Whack… Who is out of their mind to touch me, another…

My mom is furious.

And much to the astonishment of myself, to a grown up like me, on my birthday, I started crying.

My father came running into the room (he is still smiling) and took me to the next room carrying in his hands.

“How many times I told you not to spoil the carpet?” – I heard my mom’s voice very clearly, over my fathers lullabies as I drift into my sleep in my wooden fortress… Cradle my pa calls it!

I am going no where mom, I’ll be back next birthday…

Thanks 2 Ram and Stewie!

I – Transform’er’

Transformers, err… not quite the info that you expected.

Not as in I, Robot. I could never become a transformer, you know. I am not a car. Nor a metallic scorpion, a low flying fighter jet. Worst of all I am not Megatron. If I were given a choice I think I would fit the best as Optimus Prime

Come on, not because it is a heavy truck. Just because I am like Loyal, kind hearted, peace loving and noble. (Cut those noises please, that distract me, can’t you hear me? You *@#())@#_!*(&@)

I was labeled a genuine, cyber bugged, download addicted, theoretically perverted and heavily work (never)minded. That’s me for starters.

I am an er – Engineer just like a Dr – doctor. Dr’s can’t change. But Er’s will change. They need to change, otherwise they will be changed and there is this Hike Syndrome. So all this cause a change, a Transformation. From team member to lead, to boss, to super boss and from then it depends, seriously. If you don’t believe ask The Raju Brothers. There are a lot of Transformers, Transformers 2 and all… So am I, I changed.

And I became a Transform – er.

There, actually, are so many phases of transformation. Checking out, Bidding, electing, taking over, sending home, errr… I was taken away by the below transformation, where they said they will turn a new leaf. Instead they did a creative job.

Oops, Sorry!

I genuinely loved this company, which showed a dormant villager the true colors of life and the wonders of the world. Thanks a lot Satyam. Its not just me, you know, there are so many like me! Thank you Raju for building such institution to learn every lesson of life, including…. uffff… not again. This post is supposed to be about me!

With heavy heart, and mixed emotions happily I am writing this last mail to announce that today is my last working day here in this beautiful god forbidden place… blah blah blah

Cut the crap. Everyone knows why one is leaving. And if he is seriously emotional he should be ready to do a job that one offers in the same place. But we won’t. We show the feel, do not feel the feel. Hmmm… Grow up guys/gals*.

I quit Satyam for the known personal reasons and will be joining CTS, Bangalore from July 1st 2009. Jun 30 being my last date in Satyam, I thank those who really helped me. And I despise those who tried not to, its my right!

And that’s adios from adi @ Satyam guys/gals**. See ya all…

– Er. Adi

* / ** I am a strict follower of law (even before it comes out): So 50-50 (now, you Women domination organizations, don’t barge in on my door demanding an explanation, why the heck I put guys before Gals 😦 )

King Zero

Once upon a time there was a King. King Zero. [if you are confused with King Nero, you can find his info here]

He has a very big kingdom with truthful people lived their lives in the best possible way. There was everything that a man need to live in the kingdom. Peace, comfort, gold, work, and everything amusing and everything endearing. It was the place to be. People from various kingdoms flew with great interest and were quickly consumed by the wholeheartedness of the truthful people of this kingdom.

The king was omnipotent, omnipresent! There was a no fiasco, there was no war, there was no unsettled thoughts. The kingdom was ruled with utmost efficiency by the numerous ministers elected by the king, though they were his favorites, they worked to the best of the interests of the people of the Kingdom.

The King has a beautiful family. The queen, The Prince and a Princess. Closely followed by his brother and his family. The brother King Zero++ was the think tank and war head for whatever life the people were living. There was nothing the king could not conquer.

Years passed by. The king become more and more powerful, yet he wasn’t proud. He was the same Zero and his brother the same Zero++. But there is the Jr. Zero. He is a worthless successor any father would dread of. He has nothing to feel original. Whatever he did, it was all because of the Great Zero. Hmmm… He has to prove a point. What he did?

He started his own Kingdom.

And as he is the useless, powerless and worthless King a kingdom probably can have, he has no idea how to run it. With no money, no gold and worst of all no people! He pleaded his father for guidence. And the Great King obiliged. He got a plan outta box.

He sent 10000 of his truthful people to the new kingdom. They will still be the people of the Great King Zeros kingdom, but are not allowed inside the fortress and have to confine to the newly established kingdom. Thus forcing them to accept themselves as the people for the new king. 

He started lending out money to his Son, who started to build his kingdom. Various buildings, landscapes, bridges and all.  The people in the new kingdom became happier and richer by day as they have money now without any work. And the new kingdom is growing fast and rich with the funds from the old kingdom. Things started to change.

Slowly the truthful people of the old kingdom were workless as the work is no more providing them neither with food nor with money. All the money is being used up by the new kingdom. There were very few in the old place who really have work. The others were lagging their lives uncertain of what to do.  The King was too busy spending money on his son’s worthlessness. He didn’t listen the outcry.

Time is running out for the people. They started to flee out of the fortress to other fortress where they can find food and work. They were feeling pity for the kingdom they left and happy for their lives. And disaster struck. There is a war that started targetting the old fortress. No money to defend it. The king accepted defeat without fighting. The kingdom crumbled. The new kingdom was merrier as ever.

The new king to the kingdom is happy for the beautiful citadel. He was happy for the few hardworking people left behind. But severly unhappy with the people who couldn’t fetch him gold from the mines. He gave them ultimatum.

Go out of the fortress. Beg, borrow or steal. Find a work. No work. No access to the fortress. Thus left the 10000 truthful people in search of the work that could help them feed themselves and their families, on the mercy of the new king. They have no way to go, but fight to live. They are free to go out of the kingdom to any other kingdom, but were never accepted back once gone. The new kingdom is prospering as usual.

King Zero was jailed and was happy for his son and the fortune in the new Kingdom. He wasn’t sorry for the lives that are threatened. He started playing the guitar.

The kingdom burned. Only the people are left, waiting for…..

[with due respect to all the ones responsible for this post. Sorry Guys.]