The Silence of a Soul

Was ever a grown up stuck in awe at the vibrant colors in the Rainbow?

Rarely, when that grown up is still fresh at his heart, like a child who finds the magic of the god portrayed in the sky, every rainy day.

I too found it. But it was just too late.

Bhhhooommmmm…

My body started floating in thin air and my mind drifting towards nothingness.

“Shame on you!” – the boldness of the voice still haunting me.

“Love you, papa!!!” – the dulcet tone of my sweet daughter, posing a question, than seeming an answer.

Thud. My body hit the rocky floor with a bang and I fell unconscious at the same time. Black dust continued filling my lounges. Peace. Eternal silence surrounded me. Nothing more to fear, no questions to answer. Or is it?

The letter I typed a while ago still hung to my pocket, answering no question, except my escape route.

All my life has been a success story, mostly. A gold medal,  six digit salaried job, a beautiful wife and a gorgeous daughter. I could have asked for nothing more.

But then, there has always been a small space in my heart that still is unoccupied. I felt it there right from childhood. When I was the child prodigy, I suppressed that gap with the boasting of my parents about my smartness. When I was young with the numerous medals I won at various science shows and Olympiads. And in the job with appraisals and promotions. Yet, that space refused to give up.

There were no one who stood between me and the gold medal in the university. Nobody could compete with me, let alone letting them feel equal to me. But then there was something I never won. And that is the inevitable space in my heart. I had no friends to share my feelings. I spoke with myself and the self spoke with me fluently. From an escape route it became a hobby and finally obsession. I wasn’t able to live with out talking to me about me at least once an hour.

The distant rumbling of some fast approaching vehicles stumbled me out of my slumber, just for a second. Again I was cuddling the darkness, fast.

Then I got a wonderfully paid job. I never obeyed anyone at my job.  There is nothing I couldn’t address. No problem I could not solve. Accolades, appraisals, pat on backs and what not. There is no horizon in the office that I could not conquer. Money never was my goal. To me the world is myself and a goal is that which satisfied my ego. I am the King!

My body was carried on to the stretcher and then to the waiting ambulance. The moment the door of the 108 was shut, it sped away towards the hospital.

I am still awaiting my appointment with the almighty.

[To be continued...]

 

Birthday Bleating

It is like E=mc², you know…

I mean which you know by your heart and swear to god on it, with out quite understanding (for those people with I.Q. level equal to me and my dear friends) how it really helps you in life when you come short of 100 Rs or for those of you whom I envy 100$ or 100£, when you want to buy the most unneeded thing, like something really not needed… I can’t find a good enuf example!

I used to think, hmmm… I grew up, now am matured enough to take matters in my own hands. From now on I dictate my own terms and I rule my world, atleast as of now.

I went to my father and said, “Hey Dad, howz you. Fine, now that its my birthday what do you think of my measly pocket money, huh?”. He is immature enough to understand me or my needs. So he smiled at it and continued to read through the daily news paper.

Very soon old man, very soon, I thought and furiously left the room to join my mom in the kitchen. She is very busy doing the household. She is the most unambitious woman I ever met. She is unable to complete the same task from years, precisely from the day she entered this house. Oh! The home needs a change.

And I started asking my mom the same question on the hike, due to the increased cost of living these days. Go and checkout(not online), even the prices of diappers are hyped!

She told me, that she can do nothing in this matter, the best she can do is to cook the thing I like the most, for that day. Hell…

And there is no one to help in this home except Me!

And I sat watching the T.V, with no better thing to do on my own birthday. I was seriously thinking on how to frisk big money today to go out and throw myself a treat. I have to celebrate my birthday, yeah that too in a big way. Because from now on I am going to plan how I am going to live, I am going to do whatever I want to do, I am goin…..

Whack… I was shocked, genuilnely!

Another Whack… Who is out of their mind to touch me, another…

My mom is furious.

And much to the astonishment of myself, to a grown up like me, on my birthday, I started crying.

My father came running into the room (he is still smiling) and took me to the next room carrying in his hands.

“How many times I told you not to spoil the carpet?” - I heard my mom’s voice very clearly, over my fathers lullabies as I drift into my sleep in my wooden fortress… Cradle my pa calls it!

I am going no where mom, I’ll be back next birthday…

Thanks 2 Ram and Stewie!